Clique Clique
by SHADO Commander
Summary: Even in the wake of the Lowardian invasion, the great conflict, Kim Vs. Bonnie, continues.  Now the last battle for dominance will be fought in the pages of the final school cheerleader calender, and the gloves... and everything else... are coming off!


Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller and all other characters are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18.

Clique Clique

By SHADO Commander

"I can do anything," Kim muttered under her breath. "This is so NOT the drama."

But it WAS so the drama, even if it wasn't the fate of the world that hung in the balance this time.

No, it was something much closer and more personal.

It had been no secret over the last three years that the city of Middleton had been beset by massive financial problems. Even as newly elected Mayor Frugal Lucre struggled to reign in the colossal budget overruns the city had fought with in the past, the added burden of the latest disasters had been the icing on the cake. The aftermath of the Diablo incident had stripped the emergency reserves bare and the only reason municipal services were able to continue to function was the cash raised by an emergency bond sale. Now, however, the economic situation had redlined. The sheer cost of rebuilding after the Lowardian invasion was going to be staggering, colossal, gigantinormous… well, there really weren't any words in the English language that really came close to describing the magnitude. And what this meant was that, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how unfair it was going to be to someone, things that were once considered holy and sacrosanct had been slashed from the city cash flow.

Kim didn't even like to think of what that was going to mean. The landscaping in front of public buildings and in parks would have to somehow fend for itself. The public library would have to close for the duration. City funded daycare centers… sorry kids, no room at the inn. There would even be water rationing, and cutbacks on the hours of the day at which public light fixtures would be lit. Unless…

Unless an alternate source of funds could be found. It seemed an unsurpassable situation, an impossible riddle to solve.

And then, much to everyone's surprise, a miracle had occurred.

After the Diablo incident, when the city was still fishing desperately for cash, one of the first casualties had been the Department of Education. Half the teachers in the school had been laid off… all, amazingly, replaced by the singular Steve Barkin… the cafeteria had transitioned from mystery meat to ultra-top-super-classified meat, and financial support for the entire extracurricular sports program was gutted. This had left the mighty Maddogs not only without athletic support, but effectively neutered.

However, while the quality of education might have been allowed to drop precipitously, if there was one thing that the students of Middleton high weren't going to let go silently into the night, it was intramural sports. Emergency response teams had been formed, the drill team had mobilized, bake sales were held, aluminum cans were collected, the band sold candy and, by hook and by crook, enough cash had been raised to not only keep the athletic teams funded, but to actually put money back into the school program itself. Indeed, without that nest egg, it was probable that Middleton High itself might be in danger of being shut down, and all its students bussed to Upperton or even Go City!

Instead, in the aftermath of the Lowardian attack, it had been the remnants of one of those fund raising attempts that had kept the entire city afloat. Thanks to the efforts of Mister Martin Smarty, the remaining copies of the Middleton Cheerleader Calendar had received national distribution and brought in an astonishing six million dollars. And why not? Weren't two of the people responsible for SAVING the entire planet featured in that calendar, even if one of them WAS wearing a dog head in most shots and a third of it was in rather dubious focus? The calendar had gone back into five reprintings, each one outselling the last.

Latching upon the surprising financial boon, Lucre and the city council had literally pounced on the idea of re-pumping the well with a new calendar, but it soon became obvious that while SmartyMart was definitely interested, they wanted the same models that had made the first calendar such a sellout. Thus, the call had gone out to Ron, Kim and the other former cheerleaders to step up to the plate once more, and Ron had upped the ante yet again by suggesting not one, but TWO calendars, one featuring the senior members of last years football team and the other the graduated cheerleaders, thereby doubling the effective potential market base.

And that's where things got completely out of control. The boys had posed first and it turned out that more than a few of them had been earning a little cash on the side by modeling at a certain shirts-optional store located directly across the mall from Club Banana. As a result, the pictures had been… well, Kim had to admit, a LOT hotter than she had expected. Even Ron, wearing nothing but a pair of bluejeans and a black cowboy hat had looked suitably smoking when posed against a haystack and shot with copious amounts of diffusion. The buyers at SmartyMart were ecstatic.

But that was taken as a challenge by the girls and it was quickly decided that the theme of THEIR calendar would be recreations of famous pin-ups. After a group shot posed as a classic Rockettes kick-line, the girls found themselves in a game of "can you top this?" Crystal had done Betty Grable justice in the classic "from the rear" pose and Hope made an amazing transmutation into Veronica Lake. Then Liz donned a short curly wig and did a Marilyn Monroe in the Seven Year Itch that left everyone wowed until Tara promptly blew her out of the water with a spot on recreation of the famous Farrah Fawcett poster, in all its nipple-popping glory. (Tara claimed the studio had just been cold, but in one of the unused takes there was clearly a bag of ice sitting beside her.) Jessica then TRIED to top Tara with the classic Raquel Welch in a fur bikini from One Million BC, but trust it to Bonnie to go completely over the edge.

With her heart set on becoming a professional model and determined to be THE standout in the new calendar, BonBon had persuaded her new "friend" Senor Senior Jr. to hire an A-list photographer and showed up for her closed set photo shoot sporting a classic Bettie Page haircut. In the final image, only the strategic placement of her arms and a small fan kept Bonnie's picture "SmartyMart Safe."

The gauntlet had clearly been thrown down in front of Kim.

Kim had been planning on recreating the famous shot of Ursula Andress from Dr. No… the white bathing suit was suitably covering and the knife was a nice nod to Kim's action hero status. Now that Bonnie had issued such an obvious challenge, Kim began to have second thoughts. It wasn't that she didn't look good in the outfit… but when compared to the original, she was noticeably lacking in the upstairs department. And when that was compared to Bonnie's skintastic revelation, well…

SO the drama.

"Are you ready Kim?" The photographer asked. If Bonnie had got an A list shooter, Wade had outdone even the Seniors and brought in the woman who was currently THE crème de la crème of Hollywood glamour photographers. The woman had shows currently running in three major museums and commanded a $10,000.00 an hour shooting fee. However, it turned out that Kim had saved her ranch and favorite goat from a wildfire the previous year, so this whole shoot was being done completely gratis. That was good, because Kim Possible, the girl who could do anything, had just found something that she was incredibly nervous about doing.

But it was for a good cause, right? Of course it was.

"I'm ready," Kim nodded, taking a deep breath and allowing the terrycloth robe she'd been wearing to drop to the floor.

Wearing only the suit that she'd been born in, Kim lay down on the concrete floor of the studio and allowed the photographers' female assistant to wrap the very large and very live boa constrictor around her body. Although both the floor and snake were cold to the touch, Kim quickly felt a warm feeling swelling up within her.

Take that BonBon! Kim and the photographer had talked it over for hours, searching for exactly the right image, and now she was so going to nail the Richard Avedon image that had made Nastassja Kinski the wet-dream of millions of pubescent boys.

After all, she was Kim Possible.

And SHE could do anything.


End file.
